I’ve been writing a lot lately about this nagging feeling of discontent going on in my life. After reading the comments from my Get a Grip post the other day and then reading a few other blogs, I realize that I’m certainly not the only one living with disappointment and discontent. Okay, so I knew I wasn’t the only one, but I guess I just needed a little reassurance.
All of this spurred a little brainstorming session in my head. I really feel like I need to make some changes in my life but I’m not even sure where to begin. I want to change for myself, but also for my family. I can’t possibly give them 100% if I am not 100% myself. If I am grumpy or depressed or just disappointed in myself, then I don’t respond to them in the way they deserve. When Zach is begging for attention and I am in a bad mood, I get irritated and don’t give him the attention he needs and wants. When I come home from work grouchy, I don’t fully appreciate or give notice to those little things that Hubby does to try to make my day a little better. Really, they deserve more. They deserve a mother and wife who can give back to them what they give to me.
Wiccachicky’s comments about the "pushing 30" crowd really got me to thinking. I think she definitely has something there. My whole life I have been pushed to "be all that I can be" and now I look back and see that I’m nowhere near achieving that. The responsibilities and financial obligations I have put on myself are now keeping me from being able to achieve the goals that I once had. That’s kind of hard to swallow and is definitely one of the things that has been bothering me a lot lately. I don’t know that I will ever get back to the point where the sky is the limit. Even my hobbies are suffering these days as I just don’t have the time or the money to put into them. I want to do so many things, but I see them as impossible dreams now.
I know I always have these little moments of insight, but then I never follow through. This time I want to follow through. I want to find the time and the energy to make some permanent changes happen. I want to find a way to enjoy my life more and appreciate what I have rather than worry about what I don’t have. I want to find peace in my life.
The pity party is officially over. It is time for me to make a change and quit feeling so sorry for myself. Of course, that could all change next week. I’m just feeling good today.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
wiccachicky 08.22.06 at 8:16 pm
Thanks for the link!! No one ever links me (except my friend Amy).
But, I am glad you have turned a page here. I’m telling you, I recently turned it after my wedding. I am too old for this crap any more. Teen angst is over. Realizing we have limits is one thing, letting them control us is another.
Anne 08.23.06 at 12:38 am
Don’t feel bad if you want to post moody again…it is one big ferris wheel…the good the bad and the ugly…Lets all just hope for lots of good.
cagey 08.23.06 at 8:07 am
I don’t think Happiness is static state. It’s something that has to constantly be worked on. It takes WORK to be Happy.
I spent much of my 20s being resentful towards others for this and that and this and that. I have a tendency to be cynical and negative anyway. Once I sat down and did an inventory of how my life wasn’t really that bad, things got better. It sounds like you may be on that path. I hope you are because honestly? It’s easier being Happy once you get there. I think it requires a bit of letting go, for sure.