As sappy as it seems to me right now, I am desperately trying to get into the Valentine’s Day mood and so far I have not been successful. For the last two days I have been listening to Heather’s Valentine’s Day Playlist thinking that maybe some tunes would perk me up but no. Still feeling nothing.
I’ve honestly never really been a big fan of the big "day of love". I’m pretty sure it all stems from my first Valentine’s Day as part of an actual couple. When I found out that my sister had to tell my boyfriend to buy me a rose (that was actually being sold at school so it wasn’t like he had to go out of his way or anything) I was pretty much crushed. I couldn’t believe that the love of my life wasn’t romantic enough to think of something that simple.
I have a history of dating or being involved with non-romantic guys. I’m starting to wonder if it is something I do to them or if they were just that way from the beginning. I’ve had three relationships that I considered to be serious-one boyfriend and two marriages-and out of the three not a single one had an ounce of romance in them. Actually that’s not really true. The two that I’m no longer with have gone on to be perfectly romantic husbands to their wives. Maybe it is me after all.
My sister, on the other hand, has an overly romantic husband who constantly dotes on her and buys her roses "just because". I’m not looking for that, but sometimes it would be nice to be surprised or to receive a gift that I didn’t tell someone to buy. (And this is where I totally contradict myself because I told Hubby to absolutely not buy me anything this year for V-day.)
It is no secret really that things haven’t been so hot between the Hubby and I in quite a while. We’re not by any means headed for the divorce lawyers, but I would say there is definitely room for much improvement and I think he would agree. While I understand that life isn’t always going to be peachy, I still find myself dreaming of the days when we had no responsibilities and nothing better to do than lay around in bed all day just being together.
It isn’t so much that time in my life that I want back, but the feelings that I felt then. I want to love without restraint. I want that floaty feeling back that I had when we wanted to spend every single second of every single day together. I want to feel the electricity when we touch. I want to look into his eyes and feel all tingly inside.
I want all of that back but instead we are drowning in a sea of responsibilities, debt, a screaming kid, and lack of time for each other. I wish for just one day that I could throw all of that away and go back to a time when life was more simple.
I guess that’s why I can’t seem to get the lyrics from Cake’s "Love You Madly" out of my head today. I’ve always liked the song but it really seems to be summing up the way I’ve been feeling lately, or at least the way I want to feel. If this works the way it is supposed to, you should be able to click the play button below to listen to the song or you can check out the lyrics below the fold.
**So the player doesn’t seem to be working and I’m not sure what I need to do to make it work so just go read the lyrics. I apologize for publishing a million times for those of you using a feed reader. But now I’m publishing again because I think I finally got it working. Enjoy!**
