Voices In My Mind

Saturday Morning Shots

2008-05-03T18:23:08Z

Since it is Saturday and my first chance to actually get some sleep this week, Evie was wide awake at 7:30 this morning. It wasn't the kind of waking up where she just wanted to eat and go back to sleep. She was awake and alert and wanted someone to pay attention to her.

No matter how hard I tried to get her back to sleep, it just wasn't happening. I eventually gave in and got out of bed. I got her changed and dressed and headed to the living room where the sun was shining brightly through the windows. I couldn't resist the urge to grab my camera and take a few (or 30) shots. Then I grabbed the computer and played around in Photoshop with some of Pioneer Woman's Photoshop actions.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Welcome Caitlin!

2007-12-30T05:27:16Z

Welcome Caitlin!, originally uploaded by deew27.

My little brother and his wife have a new addition to the family! Caitlin Renae was born around 2:00 p.m. Saturday afternoon. Mom and baby are doing well and Dad seems to be holding up too. I spent most of the afternoon at the hospital waiting to get a chance to hold her and it was worth every second!

Caitlin is the first baby girl on my side of the family and we're all quite proud of her She's rather cute, don't you think?

Time for Change

2007-10-31T02:57:12Z

I've debated for quite a while, but I finally decided it was time to move to WordPress. When I first set this blog up, I decided to go with Movable Type because I thought it had a lot more to offer. Since then, WordPress has come a long way and I've ended up loving it more than I ever though I would. I've been working on the switch for a while, but since NaBloPoMo is coming up, I pushed forward a little more so that I could launch by November 1st.

Because of the rush, I don't have a design ready but fortunately for me, there are tons of free WordPress themes out there to choose from. I still have some tinkering to do, but as far as I can tell everything is working right now. You can check out the new site here. Please let me know if you find anything quirky or missing.

Most importantly, please update your feeds so you don't miss out on cute Halloween pictures and NaBloPoMo goodness! Tomorrow the old site will disappear and the new one will be in its place.

Oh, and please comment on the new site if you have something to say as I won't be transferring any more data.

I Found Answers, But Where Do I Go From Here?

2007-10-29T13:43:19Z

After a week of racking my brain, consulting toddler how-to books, Babycenter, and Dr. Google I have determined that Zach is having night terrors. I keep reading and reading and every new description of night terrors I read describes exactly what he is going through. Each description is slightly different, but the main points are the same and nearly every one states that in children stress and overtiredness may be a contributing factor.

Since we took his pacifier away, a little over a week ago, Zach has been waking up screaming pretty much every night. It lasts anywhere from a few minutes to well over an hour. Sometimes it is only once and then he settles back in for the night (usually in our bed). Other times he settles down but still wakes several times throughout the night screaming and crying out. When he has screamed it out as much as he can and is finally exhausted, sometimes he will let me hold him and rub his back until he drifts off to sleep. Other times he still screams at my touch.

There are many thoughts and ideas about how to handle the night terrors, but I'm still stumped as to what I should actually do. There is no true cure, only suggestions for alleviating the stresses that may be causing the night terrors. I'm pretty sure that Zach's main stress is not having his pacifier. This leads to a difficult bedtime routine, restless sleep, and eventually being overtired. I'm sure it also doesn't help that he's starting to refuse to take a nap in the afternoons. I know where the stress is, but how do I fix it other than to give the pacifier back? I don't want to do that, but I really, really, need a good night's sleep.

The worst part of all of this is that I have to sit there and just watch as my son screams and thrashes around on the floor. I feel so helpless and all I want to do is to just hold him and make it better, but my touch seems to upset him even more. All I can do is watch and make sure that he is safe. If I get too close, I'm bound to get hit or have something thrown at me. I've already taken several kicks in the belly and other various places, an elbow to the nose, and had a dog bone thrown at me. Once he finally settles down enough and I can hold him, I never want to let him go.

Last night, during one of his worst episodes, I took out my camera and actually video taped him. I'm not sure why I did it other than that I was looking for answers. He had settled down quite a bit by that time, but was still crying and throwing himself around a bit. After the fit stopped, we were snuggling on the floor watching Blue's Clues (in an effort to relax him a little more before going back to bed) and I played the video back on the camera. He wanted to see what I was watching so I let him. He looked up with a concerned look that nearly broke my heart and said, "That's me. Me crying?" Yeah baby, you were crying and so is Mama (on the inside).

Everything I read says that it will pass, but how do I survive in the meantime?

Sox WIN!

2007-10-29T04:06:44Z

I knew they had it in them, but it is still hard to expect it when you are a Sox fan. Tonight, it is good to be a Red Sox fan. Oh, and I think I might be a little bit in love with this guy.

Busy Week, Busier Weekend

2007-10-28T22:38:56Z

It's a good thing November isn't here yet, because I would have failed miserably at posting every day. Let's just say last week was one I don't want to repeat for a very long time. Zach was up every night screaming and crying. I came down with a miserable cold/sinus infection. On top of that, it just seemed like we had an awful lot to do last week too.

Our weekend was just as busy, but a lot more fun. My sister was out of town for a conference, so my mom brought my two youngest nephews over to hang out Friday night. Ryan spent the night with Zach and Brayden got to stay with Grandma. Saturday morning we got up and took the boys to Deanna Rose Farmstead, which was a lot of fun. For a couple of 2-year-olds, it was a much better outing than trying to walk all over the local zoo. They got to get up close to the animals, plus there were lots of hands on activities and a fun playground area.

By Saturday night, I was completely worn out. I said a little prayer thanking God that I did not have twins because there is no way I could keep up with two two-year-olds on a regular basis. The boys love playing together, but the 6 months age difference really shows through sometimes. It was really interesting to watch some of the differences between them. There is always a constant fight for toys, but this time when Zach would cry for a toy, Ryan would actually stop and try to give Zach what he was asking for. He may have been just trying to make the noise stop, but it seemed to me that Ryan was actually showing a little bit of empathy.

Sunday was another busy day. We got up and went to church, then ate lunch in the car during our drive home and dropped Hubby off. After that, Zach and I headed out again to attend a birthday party at The Little Gym. Zach had a great time at the party, but I realized we definitely need to work with him on the concept of taking turns. He really didn't understand what to do when asked to stand in line and wait for his turn. He had fun running and jumping and was absolutely thrilled when I helped him hang upside down on the uneven bars.

I was hoping the party would wear Zach out, but instead of taking a nap when he got home he was completely wound up and wanted to play. As a result, I didn't get my Sunday afternoon nap either. I'm pretty worn out, but looking forward to a relaxing evening. I'm hoping I can recover my already burned dinner. Then I plan on watching the Sox wrap up the World Series and hopefully getting a good night's sleep.

Anyone looking for some fried brain?

2007-10-23T17:39:20Z

I had this post all laid out in my head about how great of a weekend we had. I was going to write about how we finally took Zach's pacifier away and how well it was going. I was going to write about how much fun we had going to my nephew's soccer game and picking out pumpkins at Red Barn Farm. But those things all seem like distant memories now after the night we had last night. It's a good thing we have pictures because my brain is fried today thanks to a certain little two-year-old who decided there was no need to sleep last night.

I think I might have managed to get about four hours of sleep last night total and for a pregnant woman who wants to sleep all day long, that really isn't enough. I feel like I spent all night out at a smoky bar knocking down shots, but I didn't even get to enjoy it. Zach was in a fine mood this morning of course, but I'm not looking forward to the report when I pick him up from day care since he spent most of the night screaming and thrashing around instead of sleeping.

I want to blame it on the pacifier. We took the pacifier away Friday night (with the help of a friend who offered to keep him for the night). My friend, who is also Zach's previous day care provider, managed to convince Zach to throw away his "noonie" while he was at her house. He went all night without it and did very well, so I decided this was the weekend we were going to get rid of it for good.

He did really well throughout the weekend without his pacifier. There were a few minor breakdowns with begging and tears, but I stuck to my guns and didn't give in. I kept telling him that we threw all the noonies away and that since he was a big boy now he didn't need them. The tears would subside after a few minutes and some creative distraction techniques. I was really proud of him for handling it as well as he did. I expected much more screaming and definitely more tantrums.

All was well until last night. I started trying to get Zach to bed around 8:30, which is his usual time. He was fighting the bedtime routine a bit, but I figured I could get him settled down. Apparently I was wrong. He kept getting up and crying giving me those sad little puppy dog eyes until I caved and let him stay up just a little longer. I didn't manage to actually get him in bed until after 10:00, and that was only because I took him to bed with me.

Then he woke up. Sometime around 2:00 a.m. he woke up crying. I'm not even sure he was completely awake at the time, but the crying was loud and would not stop. Then came the thrashing, hitting, and kicking. The more I tried to figure out what was wrong the more angry he seemed to get. Then he started screaming for the noonie. I wanted so badly to just go back to sleep that I almost gave in. I really, truly, considered getting up and giving him the dang pacifier just to make it stop. Then I realized that it would ruin all of the progress he had made over the weekend so I sucked it up and just tried to hold him.

Eventually, he gave up asking for the noonie and asked to go watch TV. So I let him. I couldn't calm him down and I knew that the TV would soothe him a bit, so I unfolded the futon and we watched TV. While he watched Little Bear and his friends, I cried a bit inside because I wanted so badly just go back to sleep already. When the show was finally over, we turned the TV off and went back to bed where he proceeded to chatter for the next 45 minutes or so before finally going to sleep. We both slept restlessly for the remaining 2 hours or so that we had before it was time to get up. I spent most of that time contemplating how a 33-pound two-year-old could manage to practically push me off the edge of the bed.

It's a good thing he's so cute most of the time, because otherwise I think I'd be ready to trade him in today. All I can think of is what in the heck am I going to do when I have two?

Trying To Populate The World

2007-10-19T13:06:33Z

I thought it was just me at first, noticing a bit of a trend. Then other people started talking about it. It seems the whole world is pregnant right now. Not only do many of the bloggers I read have buns in the oven, but many of my real life friends and family members do as well.

All three of my sister-in-laws are currently pregnant. I also have a cousin that is pregnant. If you include me and the baby that my sister had in April, that's six new babies just in our family within a year. It's like we're trying to populate the world or something.

On top of that, two of my friends are pregnant and due within weeks of me. Then yesterday I found out that one of Zach's teachers is also pregnant, only a week behind me.

That, my friends, is an awful lot of babies! I have never known this many women that were all pregnant at the same time. Now I'm just wondering who else might be pregnant and not know yet. I'm just waiting for my phone to ring or another blogger to pop up with an announcement.

Today marks 17 weeks for me and the belly has definitely popped. I'm feeling movements more and more often and sometimes if I lay on my back I can feel exactly where the baby is in my tummy. Every day this whole thing feels a little more real to me and I can't wait to meet my new son or daughter.

What this blog needs

2007-10-17T21:08:05Z

...is a challenge. NaBloPoMo to be exact. Have I lost my mind? Quite possibly. Why I think I'm up for the challenge when I can barely squeeze out a post or two a week, I don't know. But, I'm going to do it.

For those of you new to the blog scene or those of you who are possibly members of my family and are thinking that I'm talking jibberish, NaBloPoMo is short for National Blog Posting Month. Basically, you sign up and post on your blog every day for the month of November. Every. Day. Oh, and there are prizes. I'm really in it for the challenge more than anything, but prizes don't hurt much either.

Last year I had a hard time even keeping up with my favorite bloggers during NaBloPoMo because they were writing so much, so this should be interesting.

If you want to join me, go sign up. Then, add me as a friend so I know you are there. Plus, I'll feel special if I have lots of friends. Really, a girl can never have too many friends, right?

A Song Every Parent Can Relate To

2007-10-16T15:27:29Z

The Cutest Toy Story Ever

2007-10-15T13:55:59Z

Sometime around the middle of September I started thinking about costume ideas for Halloween. I was trying to come up with something fairly simple for Zach that wasn't scary as practically everything he sees right now is "scary". He was really into Curious George at the time, so I thought that would be a good choice for a costume. I searched and searched for the perfect Curious George costume for him, brought it home, and he was terrified of the dang thing.

He screamed while I forced him to try it on, then begged to take it off. I wasn't sure what to do. I was out of ideas and was hoping that his fear would subside by Halloween. I was scheming and planning trying to figure out a way to make him like the costume. I was even planning to go so far as to have his cousin try it on. Zach wants anything and everything that his cousin has and vice versa. I figured there was a pretty good chance he would want to try it back on after Ryan did.

While I was still trying to figure out what to do about the Curious George costume, Zach's cousin Ryan formed an obsession with the movie, "A Toy Story". Ryan wouldn't go anywhere without his hand-me-down Buzz Lightyear and Woody toys. So guess what Zach wanted all of a sudden? Buzz Lightyear and Woody of course. He didn't know why they were so cool because he hadn't seen the movie, but Ryan had them so he had to have them too.

I decided that if he was going to get obsessed about the toys, then he might as well see the movie. I picked up a copy while we were wandering around Wal-Mart waiting for a prescription one day. We went home and watched it right away and Zach was in love.

After trying again to get Zach to put on the George costume, I finally gave up and decided to take it back. It just wasn't worth the fight. After talking to my sister, I decided that maybe I should just suck it up and get something different. I knew that Ryan was going to be dressing up as Woody and thought it would be pretty cool if Zach was Buzz Lightyear. I asked him over and over again if he wanted to dress up like George or Buzz and his answer was very consistent. Buzz it was.

Thanks to my sister-in-law who works at the Disney Store (and gets a very nice discount) we finally got our hands on the costumes yesterday. I don't think I have ever seen two happier faces than I saw yesterday when we showed them their costumes (except maybe when I was in 6th grade and my sister and I got New Kids On The Block tickets for Christmas). Those boys were absolutely glowing.

I wanted to wait until Halloween to show off the costumes, but I couldn't resist posting this picture. They are just too cute! I already had to promise Zach this morning that he could wear his Buzz costume for a little while when he gets home tonight. He wanted to wear it to school today but I had to veto that.

The Best of Plans

2007-10-13T22:42:50Z

I went to bed last night knowing that we had a full day ahead of us on Saturday. I wanted to drive up North to catch my nephew's soccer game since his season is almost over. Then I planned to head over to my Mom's house to check on her cat while Hubby mowed her yard for her. After that, we were waiting for a phone call to confirm some tentative plans with friends for the evening.

Knowing we had a lot to do, I headed to bed a little early, finished reading my book (2 books finished in as many weeks, which is amazing for me), and snuggled up with Zach who had somehow managed to end up in our bed for the night.

The next thing I knew, it was 7:00 a.m. and I had awoken from a crazy pregnancy-induced dream to the sounds of clapping thunder and pouring rain. As heavy as the rain was coming down, I knew that there would be no soccer or mowing the yard, so I snuggled back down to see if I could get a little more sleep. Suddenly I was aware of a tight feeling in my abdomen. I reached down and put a hand on my stomach, where I discovered a firm ball-shaped area that just fit inside the palm of my hand. Good morning, my darling baby. I tried to stay still as long as possible as I knew that it would move as soon as I did.

It was the first time that I have been able to physically feel the baby in my belly. I feel it moving around quite a bit these days, but I've never been able to locate exactly where it was in my stomach. Somehow, that moment made this whole pregnancy feel so much more real. I felt a real connection to my baby for the first time. I only wish that I could have shared that moment with Hubby, but he was sleeping in Zach's room since Zach was taking up his side of the bed.

About an hour later, Zach woke up ready to watch some TV, so I flipped it on only to have the satellite go out a few minutes later due to the storm. He wasn't exactly thrilled so we got up and had some breakfast, then watched one fo his favorite movies. It was the perfect way to spend a rainy Saturday morning.

As it turns out, all of our plans for the day fell through, with the exception of a quick trip to feed and take care of my mom's cat. I worked on a baby gift that I'm making for my sister-in-law, took a long afternoon nap with Zach, did a couple loads of laundry, and just relaxed.

Hubby is busy cooking dinner and we have plans to watch a movie together later tonight. So far, I would have to say that today is one of the best I've had in a long time.

Am I Lying to Myself When I Say I'm Almost Halfway There?

2007-10-11T18:48:18Z

I've been trying really hard not to turn this completely into a pregnancy blog because I'm sure many of you don't care to read about every little smptom, but it seems that when I try not to write about the baby I can't come up with anything and I sit here staring at a blank page. So, this entry is all about baby, because I'm tired of not writing.

As of tomorrow, I'll be 16 weeks along. I keep wanting to say I'm almost halfway there, but in reality I have another four weeks before I'll be halfway there. It seems so far off when I think of it that way. The picture over there was taken this morning while I was playing around with my new cell phone's camera (in the newly remodeled office restroom of all places). It certainly isn't the best, but I realized that I haven't really taken any belly shots yet and, as you can see, there is most definitely a bump these days. Even though I'm still trying to squeeze into my favorite pair of pre-pregnancy jeans, I've been wearing maternity clothes for well over a month now.

I continue to be amazed at how different this pregnancy has been for me. It is like my first pregnancy in many ways, but very different in other ways. I definitely don't remember being so tired all the time when I was pregnant with Zach. This time around, no matter how much sleep I manage to get, I'm still dragging through the day. I have major food aversions this time around too. I suddenly don't like any kind of soda and my food choices are pretty much limited to anything super salty or super sweet (excluding chocolate!). Pizza tastes awful to me, as do cheeseburgers, chicken, pretty much anything cheesy, greasy, or spicy. I've been craving weird things like beef tips and gravy with mashed potatoes or Sour Patch candy. I made a quick trip to Wal-Mart today for dog and cat food and ended up with a bag full of Funyuns, Jolly Ranchers, Jelly Bellys, vanilla pudding, and of course Sour Patch watermelons. Oh, and if it weren't for the sudden onset of constant heartburn, I would be downing about a gallon of lemonade a day. Can we say sugar rush? Perhaps my body is just trying to compensate for the lack of caffeine in my diet these days.

When I'm not trying to cope with the weird eating habits I seem to have taken on, I spend a lot of time daydreaming about what life will be like once this baby arrives. I'm so anxious to find out whether it is a boy or girl so I can start getting ready. I'm also trying to prepare Zach a little bit for what things will be like once baby arrives. We've been talking a lot about the baby and about how he will be a big brother. I am really glad that he has been around babies so much during his life. I know it will be a whole different thing when there is one in his house that is around all the time, but at least he knows somewhat how to treat a baby.

I want so badly to start getting things out and getting ready but I know it is much too early for that. I'm trying to make myself wait until at least after Christmas. Then we'll do some bedroom re-arranging, set up the crib, and make space for the new arrival. Yes, that still seems a little early for a baby arriving at the end of March, but I want to give Zach and the animals plenty of time to get used to the idea before we bring the little one home.

March seems so far away right now, but I know it will be here in a flash.

Here It Comes Again

2007-10-10T19:56:25Z

It happens every day, right around 2:00 p.m. It creeps up on me even though I should now know to expect it. Like a fog rolling in during the early morning hours, it sneaks in and takes over. It covers my brain like a warm blanket and removes any ability to focus on the tasks before me. This overwhelming desire to close my eyes, just for a very few moments, hangs there unrelenting. Just a few moments of precious sleep would make it all go away, but I must carry on and not give in. I must keep working. 5:30 is not so far away. Then I will be snuggled up on the inviting sofa, next to my favorite boy in the world. Only then can I let my eyes close, and catch a few moments of precious sleep before the chaos of the evening begins.

**an old picture, but it just seemed fitting

When Does Mom Get To Rest?

2007-10-04T01:35:10Z

So, I am actually still alive. You wouldn't know it from my presence online the last few days, but I'm still kickin'. Life sometimes has a way of taking over and unfortunately, that has been happening a lot lately. I'm going to do another quick update and then hopefully get back to some regular writing.

Saturday we decided to take Zach's pacifier away. I'm so tired of seeing in his mouth and listening to him try to talk around it that I decided it was time. We didn't let him have it all day until he had a major meltdown while I tried to take a shower around 5:00 pm. Daddy finally caved and let him have it, but we cut the tip off of it. Zach wasn't sure what to think of that, but it did settle him down.

Shortly after Zach settled down, Grandma arrived to hang out with him for the evening. Hubby and I actually went out by ourselves for dinner and a movie. It was nice to get away and have some time to ourselves, but Grandma called just before we headed into the movie to say that Zach was running a fever. From that point on, I felt a little guilty because I thought he was just being really cranky all day, when really he was sick.

Zach's fever continued through the rest of the weekend, spiking up to 103 on Sunday, which meant no day care on Monday. I called my boss to let him know, and set up a doctor's appointment Monday morning. The doctor couldn't really find anything wrong with him, other than one ear that was a little red and swollen inside and the cough that he's had for nearly a week. She started him on some antibiotics to keep the ear from getting worse. The fever stayed up through bed time on Monday, which meant no day care again on Tuesday.

Fortunately, Zach's fever was gone Tuesday morning, so I packed him up and took him to work with me. I kept him there as long as I could, but when he started getting really restless we headed home. My office was trashed, but I had gotten the most necessary things done, so I just closed the door and left.

Wednesday Zach finally went back to day care, although he wasn't very happy about it. I barely got him dropped off in time to get to my own doctor's appointment. I had an early appointment, which usually means I don't have to wait long, but this time I had to wait. At least I remembered to bring a book with me so the wait wasn't really that bad. It was a quick check-up this time (feel for the uterus, check the heartbeat). My Doc had a hard time finding the heartbeat though. Apparently this one likes to squirm around. The baby kept moving around and wouldn't hold still long enough to get a good heartbeat reading. Just as she was about ready to send me in for a quick ultrasound, squirmy finally decided to hold still and she got a count of 156.

When I finally got to work, I had a mess and a ton of work waiting for me. I did what I could, but I still have a lot of catching up to do. The last few days have really worn me out.

On the way home, I called Hubby and told him we were going out to eat. I knew there was already a sink full of dirty dishes and that we were in desperate need of a grocery store run so I decided to just make things easy. I picked Zach up from day care, picked hubby up at the house and we headed out. As we were pulling into a parking spot at the restaurant, we looked up to see our friends' car right in front of us. They were on their way to go eat, had spotted us and followed us to the restaurant. They joined us for dinner, which was nice as we hadn't seen them for a few weeks. After catching up and eating way too much food, we headed home.

Zach had his bath, watched Blue's Clues, and is tucked away in bed. My house is a mess. There are toys and books everywhere, but I just don't care right now. I'm ready to watch some TV and relax for a while before I have to start all over again tomorrow.